THAT FAVORITE SHIRT

One time I was playing golf and I always choose to wear my favorite Callous Golf shirt, because I feel beautiful whenever I wear it. I am extra careful not to get it stained, because it’s so white and is very comfortable to wear, it is made of 100 percent microfiber polyester.

Unfortunately I spilled my morning coffee in my favorite white shirt, and it became so darn ugly, although I was still left beautiful (haha I’m not kidding!). And to my horror I immediately took a strong detergent plus zonrox right away because I don’t want that coffee stain to stick to my shirt and be permanent, especially if I let time pass it by. And it worked! It always takes two to tango.

Sometimes stains in shirts take a while to be removed. It needs several washing to have it totally cleaned and white again. Without the joint effort of my strong detergent plus my zonrox, I wont be able to see my favorite white shirt, stain free ever again!

Just like in relationships it also gets stained. We need ourselves and the other party to have the stains totally removed so it can go back to its original color.

Why am I saying this?

I had a recent brawl with my bestfriends for 10 years. Tina and Maus had been my good good friends since college. I treated them like my family, valued so much our relationship and my world revolved around them as well.  Why not? They’re the most fun people to be around and I have never felt alone in their company but just like in any relationships we had our fair share of misunderstandings.

Maus and I, had many misunderstandings and petty fights in the past even during our school days that sometimes involved our family and friends.

Some lasted for 1 hour, sometimes a day or for a few days but longest was 1 month but our recent one lasted for 8 months. 

But despite of our petty fights we are inseparable. Just like what our classmates in college used to say, whenever you see Maus, you will always see Jen as well lingering around. It feels like 24/7 we were together. There came a point that we lost our individuality, because it was always “us”. Whenever I will meet someone, whether it is a friend or a relative, the next question would be how is Maus? Or where is Maus?

all saints day 2011 visiting my dad

Trying to be scary but not!

1st year college

Assumption College Graduation

Its nice to take pics with celebs.. Makes me feel like a Celebrity as well Joke!

From Manila to the US and until I resided in Abu Dhabi, no mountains have kept us apart. That is why Sype, hi-tech phones and Etihad Airplanes were invented for us to never be apart. haha

Anyway for Tina it was different because we never had fights before. She was my confidante and literally was always there for me, calling me all the time on the phone even during her office hours we were talking non stop and when I wanted to be visited at home she was the only one who can drive all the way and endure the traffic in Las Pinas just to see me.

In my perception especially in the past, I could lose all the people in the world just as long as I have my Mom, Maus and Tina. Yes they were my security blanket. Our friendship feels like my assurance that I was never going to be alone and will never be because they are just always there.

Whenever people get so close especially emotionally, you get very vulnerable towards each other and that’s when you set certain expectations towards them that sometimes can be the root of all pain.

8 MONTHS WAS TOO LONG FOR ME

The pain of living without my old friends pushed me to stand on my own. I used my pain to leave out of my comfort zone (which was Maus and Tina) to meet new wonderful people and improve myself. I even called it my self development year, because I want to be the best person in all areas of my life as I can be.

I can be happy most of the time with my new found friends and new found independence but there is always this lingering feeling of what if’s? 

What if they are here and having this celebration with me as well?

What if they are here doing this activity with me? Will it be double the fun?

There are times when a thought of them would come to mind but I would just repress it because there came a point that I stopped expecting that they would still ever come back.

I keep telling myself that I was happy but I didn’t expect that I can be happier with them being around again.

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED US TO BE OK

“You don’t pursue things, you attract it”

At the back of my mind, I still want Maus and Tina in my life. Sometimes I wonder how this will come to an end. If I became wrinkly and old just like what we have joked about before will they still be beside me eating in a restaurant with all our “yaya’s” and loved ones helping us? Because that only means they are back, and I really wished for that to happen even when things were impossible at that time because of our brawl.

But when I learned and practiced recently the Universal law of least effort by Deepak Chopra, it states that the relationships you have attracted in your life are precisely the ones you need at this moment. There are always hidden meanings in all events that are serving our own evolution.

When the time is really not yet right, it is never going to happen according to timeline no matter how much we pursue things. 

I remember during the first few days of our brawl I was really pushing us to be okay but still the time wasn’t right and we ended up fighting again. During that time the universe is like telling me that they are not the relationships you need at that moment because I still need a lot growing up to do that would be part of my discovery of my own purpose on this earth.

We can intend things to be different in the future but in that moment I have to accept things as they are.   

The second lesson I have learned from it is that I have to take full responsibility for my situation at hand even the ones I see as problems and stop blaming anyone or anything for my situation including myself.

Having said this will give me a creative response to the situation at hand.

Every problem or upsetting situation I have, gives me an opportunity to transform it into a better event in my life. And every tormentor or tyrant I encounter becomes my teacher.  

The third lesson I have learned is to practice defenselessness. This means I don’t have to convince Maus or Tina for my point of view. When you have no point to defend, you just stop fighting and resisting, which leads to being lighthearted, joyous and free. As this is so, you drop the burden of defensiveness and resentment.  

When I followed this universal law and just unleashed my desires without expectations, followed by acceptance to my situation at hand, took full responsibility and not blamed anyone, became defenseless using the instructions from the law of least effort, my desire blossomed into reality.

THAT SWEET RECONCILIATION

“Forgiving and forgetting is something hard to do at times. I am glad I don’t have that problem. I easily forgive and I choose to forget what people did that has hurt me in the past, because this lightens my burdens; thus gives me a better and joyous life”- Jennifer Aclan

“People change no matter how hard we try not to. You just have to find someone who will grow and change with you”

Maus and Tina have left an imprint in my life that would be hard to let go.
With all the joys plus the dramas that we have been through, with expectations or even without expectations towards each other, we’ve already seen our best and our worst sides but still choose to stay intact. Feels like our friendship have been set in stones; Our love and care for one another will surely last for a lifetime.

I really don’t agree in the saying that things wont be the same again especially when stains have come into relationships. Stains, similar to arguments and misunderstandings normally comes that couldn’t be avoided especially when you wear it everyday. We should never stop washing it until it becomes brand new again. If stains are still there and mr. detergent and mr. zonrox cannot do anything about it anymore, then that is where acceptance and our own perception should come in, that our favorite shirt is still perfect in our own eyes even if it has gone through many stains.