I just came back from a fun vacation and another short flight to MANILA after that. I am back in Abu Dhabi, my home and where I am currently based. Back to business as usual because vacation time is over and I am back to "busy being busy". Had plenty of things to do on my list that I needed to finish both for work and at home. (you know this, as errands piles up once you get back from your vacation).
I noticed a good friend of mine sitting in business class, so I stopped for a chat. I noticed he wasn't up to par. His eyes looks sad and in deep thought.
I asked him, are you okay? and he said yeah, let's go for coffee in the afternoon. Of course I agreed. But as I went back home, I started "busy being busy" again and I totally forgot about our coffee commitment.
Until I got a message from him to ask what time am I free to meet up? Even though I have a lot of things on my plate, I put the things that I needed to do on hold for the day, to catch up and have coffee with a good friend.
I'm glad I did, as our coffee turned into dinner in my favorite vietnamese restaurant (more of that later on). I have a bad habit of being a talker.....too much...although at least I am aware of it (awareness to self is the key to mastery).
I forgot that the basic principle of connecting to someone and build relationship around you is to have the capacity of being an empathic listener. It doesn't matter if we are interested or not, we have two ears and only one mouth for a reason. Some people would like to be heard, rather than to be preached. (bad habit of mine, i must be a natural preacher)
As I noticed myself, blabbing and blabbing and blabbing to my good old friend, as that I am used to doing when I am with him, I suddenly remembered "oh gosh, I forgot to ask how you are? Why do you look so sad?" And then he started pouring his heart out.
Sometimes, we have to hold our tongue to give advice, but to just keep listening, listening and more listening especially to the lonely ones, those who are carrying heavy burdens at the moment (We all do have burdens, but they are all temporary).
I've learned that it is only polite to give advice or even to give our opinions only when asked, but if not, better to just keep listening with empathy to most people around us, because they would rather be heard than preached.
As I let my friend talk and pour his heart out (which is very unusual for me that I don't interrupt) for hours, giving him most of the "air time" he suddenly thanked me for having the ear to listen to his problems and heartaches. He felt good, and I felt good as well for being of help to him.
No we don't have this kind of conversation everyday having a pity party all the time, but most of the time LISTENING is more important than TALKING. We may have a lot of things in our head that we wanted to share and get most of the "airtime" but never underestimate the power of LISTENING as it is one of the most important skill to learn if you want to build great relationships around you.
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